Living life on a roller coaster

Life is never meant to be easy and I get that.. For me I feel as though it's the same as being on a roller coaster ride, you have your ups and your downs.. I had my first son Lachlan at age 23, I was married at 22 to Rick and boy did I think I had it going on, the world was my oyster.. In my mind I was mature and ready for this curve ball, well so I thought.. Little did I know I suffered from extreme PND after having Lachlan and then this continued on thru my second pregnancy. I fell pregnant when Lachlan was only 11 months old.. Again I thought I had everything under control, hell raising kids was easy.. I really was in denial, and my world came crashing down around me a few weeks after Zachary was born in early August of 2010.. I recieved a phone call from my mum late August that a lump had been found in her breast and that a biopsy had been sent off for testing to check if it were malignant or not.. A phone call I'll never forget, I could hear in my mothers voice the uncertainty she felt that all was going to be okay. It struck me then and there this news and the days waiting for the results was umbearable.. In the meantime I fell into a black hole, my marriage was going sour and I could see myself falling apart and with my husband and my kids watching.. So I made the appointment to see my gp and within 30 mins I had a script for an anti depressant and referral to see a psychologist 'Nicole'.. At this moment I felt like my life was getting back on track.. Then in early September I received the phone call from my mother, the news on her biopsy results, it was malignant, and stage 3 breast cancer. I remember phoning Rick immediately bawling my eyes out, I was in disbelief. How could my mother, my best friend have breast cancer?! So as you can imagine I didn't end up making an appointment to see 'Nicole' at the time as my mind was elsewhere and my problems at the time seemed insignificant. Even though I was not the one suffering the cancer it really did have a huge impact on my life.. Within a few days after the results my mother 'Christine' had an appoinment to see a Breast Surgeon. It all seemed to go by so fast, my head is still spinning now trying to recollect all the details. After the appointment, the following week mum was booked for surgery to have several lymph nodes and the lump removed.. Its so hard to explain seeing a loved one go thru so much pain, why I kept asking, why is this happening to her?! She is the last person in my life I would have ever expected to get sick.. To be honest it wasn't fair, my mum has been through a lot in her life, more than most. After separating from an abusive marriage after 20 odd years she was very strong and full of life again.. I waited and waited and waited for updates on mums progress throughout the day, it was torture waiting. Several hours later she was back in her room and had my breath taken away at the sight of my mum.. I was just glad my brother turned up when he did.. The lump was sent off to the lab for testing to determine which type of breast cancer it was, we were told we would know within in day or 2, that again was tortue waiting. Everyday I would ask 'any news on the results' I was impatient and needed to know. To me my mum was living in another world 'off with the fairies' and I don't blame her, it's not a situation anyone of us want to be in. So for me being impatient it was as though I felt like I had to take some control, but that was never to be, my aunty had everything under control.. Anyway results came back that more had to be removed, it was an aggressive cancer, (sorry unsure on the type will confirm and then add in here). So the following week more surgery was booked. This time it was a mastectomy and more lymph nodes.. Days after the surgery they referred mum for an MRI and bone scan, I witnessed mum having the MRI .. The pain in her eyes and the screams from the bone scan will always haunt me. So after all this I was amazed how quickly her recovery was really coming along, she had a sleeve made for her right arm, bought the necessary bras and my aunt even took her out to the hairdresser where she had 3/4 of her hair cut off. It really was amazing to see, I loved every moment, every minute I spent with mum during her recovery. 2 days before her departure from hospital I decided to make a short visit with my son Zachary who was 12 weeks old, who at the time had an upper respiratory infection, or so the gp thought. We were busy chatting away, eating our food when we realised Zachary who was sitting upright in his pram was having difficulties breathing and lips were going a light blue. I couldn't believe it, what was going on with my son. And my mum was so worried and this was the last thing she needed right now, any form of stress. We took him to the emergency room at the current hospital, and because they don't have a paediatrics ward they would not take him in and would not call me an ambulance, I started to panic and got in my car and decided to drive fast as I could to the Mater Childrens ED. I ran like at mad woman from the carpark into the ED, they took one look at him and took him in straight away, nurses were trying to find him a bed, the ED was crazy.. Zachary had a frightened look in his eyes but would still smile at the many nurses by his side. Then it all got very overwhelming, 3 nurses and 2 paediatricians hovering over him, I felt panicked, unsure, what was going?! Next thing I know they are taking him into a procedure room where they suction out his nose, I watched him as he screamed and shed tears, I was frightened for my baby. Once back at the bed they hooked him up to 20% oxygen.. Again I watched him scream as they put the tubes in his nose. I phoned Rick to get down to the hospital immediately. Zachary was to be admitted, prior to going to the childrens ward he had an xray on the way which showed a very common virus 'Bronchilitis'. I had no idea what it was. While this was all going on my mum was so worried, she phoned and phoned. I felt literally sick at this point. All I kept thinking, is my son going to be ok?! Then when we were waiting on the ward for the 'last' available room to be cleaned, Zachary wouldn't settle at all. He was very stressed and having lots of problems trying to take a feed from his bottle. Then the paediatrician arrived, and all I remember from that conversation is all scrammbled. Once in the room I tried to settle Zachary best I could and eventually he fell asleep. He was now hooked up to 20% humidified oxygen, feeding tube and a monitor to keep track of his breathing rate. That was the worst night, I had about 2 hours of broken sleep, his temps rose sky high, and he just wanted all these tubes off his face, I think the only reason I did stay sane was because he had a private room and I had a bed to sleep on which didn't happen often.. Now I really could go on in detail but I'll just skip quickly through it now.. As the days went on we saw amazing progress, by day 4 he was back to feeding with a bottle. But they kept the feeding tube in just in case. They even dropped his oxygen back to 10% and that evening took him off the oxygen completely. But early am he was back on the oxygen as his levels once again dropped. Day 5 came and he seemed to be doing really well, they were expecting him to go home the next day and I was ready to take him home 'NOW'! So his levels again were doing really well mid morning, so they removed the oxygen and kept an eye on him. I phoned the paediatrician that afternoon because I knew in my heart he was well enough to go home, even though the nurses wanted him to stay an extra day.. Paediatrician agreed that he was well enough to go home. Your probably wondering how he could determine this over the phone, well he came in just before lunch for a check up. So that afternoon we left around about 4ish.. It was so good to be home for all of us.. Needless to say after the past 4 weeks I experienced here or as I call it 'a roller coaster ride' I made that appointment to see 'Nicole' and happy to report to this day I am still seeing her and she has helped me through some major challenges in my life.. a script